Sharmila Bhandari Gautam, 34

Homemaker

Pauwadungma Rural Municipality, Bhojpur, Nepal

My daughter was born in 2015. She didn’t breastfeed, and soon after, I began to feel unusually stressed. Headaches started creeping in. I went to the hospital and was prescribed medication for the headaches. It helped for a while, and I thought I was fine. But a few years later, the headaches returned, this time accompanied by repetitive, often disturbing thoughts. I couldn’t sleep. I went back to the hospital and was given medication for three months. Thankfully, I felt better.

Then, about three months ago, things took another turn. I started feeling unwell again: tightness in my chest, a numbness in my brain, rapid heartbeats, dizziness, and a sense of being smothered. It was overwhelming. Insomnia returned. My energy was gone. My legs would suddenly feel weak.

All of this began around the time I started planning for another baby. During fertility checks, I was told my condition was fine, and the doctors suggested my husband get tested too. The doctor informed us that my husband had limited viable options. The news hit him hard.

Back home, I was eating when a wave of sadness and distress washed over me. I stopped mid-meal and walked away. My husband asked what was wrong. I told him I felt numbness in my limbs. He tried to comfort me, but I didn’t understand what was happening to me.

At the time I didn’t realize any of this could be related to mental health. But I started seeing stories online – people sharing their experiences with anxiety and depression. It made me think. As the negative thoughts became more frequent, I decided to visit the local health post. There, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and prescribed medication. At first I didn’t feel much change. But slowly things began to improve.

I’ve started sleeping better now. For over a year and a half, I barely slept. I would lie down, close my eyes, but never fall into deep sleep. That’s changed. I now try to stay engaged, to think positively. I’ve even started doing a bit of medication at night before bed. The symptoms haven’t disappeared completely, but I’ve learned how to manage them better.

Looking back, I realize how important it is to seek help. Suffering in silence only makes things harder. I believe there are many others in my village who are struggling quietly. To them, I want to say: please seek support. It doesn’t make you weak.

Photo credit for all images: WHO Nepal/S.Shrestha